I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
