There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
