so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This baby is an asshole
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
