You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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