chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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