I seem to have left my pride at pride
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
