Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
