I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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