I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
