Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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