I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
