p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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