so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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