His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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