Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
