I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can't turn off my feet"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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