My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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