he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize