I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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