Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
