i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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