3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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