the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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