very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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