I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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