Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
