you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
did you just send me my own nude
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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