Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
