He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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