worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
