Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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