i permit you to call me
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again