saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
