Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
