Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?