I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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