if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
