everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
