Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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