i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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