i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
