When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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