i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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