i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
