my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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