Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
