He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
