I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
