After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
