so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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