You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
