you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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