Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
