i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
