my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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