i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
