That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
