Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
