Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
