i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just tell him i said nine months
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
