i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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