If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
