so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
