I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
