my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
