fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i can't believe i had my finger in that
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
