btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There was a lot of him and a little penis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
