oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
