If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
