In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
