You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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