I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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