I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
