I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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