I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
